Excuse Me?

I've known you for less than 12 hours.  That's less than a full day.  I had high hopes and was willing to lower my "standards" as far as what I normally look for.  I was willing to ignore my usual type to give you a chance thinking that maybe I was closing myself off to something.  Maybe, just maybe, the fact that you weren't what I'd normally go for might in some way safe guard my heart.

I was wrong.  Dead wrong.  I'm not sure if I've overestimated my looks or if maybe you're just brave.  Did you really think you'd get away with that?  With me?  Come on.  Even by your own estimation I am WAY out of your league...and yet, after only a mere half a day you think you can ask me to send you nude photos?

Don't justify the behavior.  I don't care if you're in "a mood" or if you're horny or if you're just an asshole.  How often do you succeed?  How often do you snag girls from the interweb and talk them into baring all only hours after e-meeting you?

Don't apologize for offending me or tell me that you "mean no disrespect."  Don't tell me not to call them tits.  They're mine and I call them what I want.  Don't petition me for amateur porn and then correct my terminology.  Did you choke when you followed the classy "How daring are you?" with "But trust me, I don't want you to think I'm one of those guys.  I really respect you."

Don't pretend you really enjoy my conversation and think I'm so intellectual and charming while you sit at your computer desk, undoubtedly running your meaty palm over the crotch of your jeans, asking me if I have a webcam.

When one of my exboyfriends called me Sex On Legs, I thought it was a compliment but I'm suddenly realizing that perhaps it was actually a title or a job description.  I'm learning my lesson, you assholes are putting me in my place.  I'll just shut my mouth and spread my legs because that's all I'm good for and in the end that's all you really want.  I don't care that guys are "naturally more horny" or guys are just "less tactful" or that they "are just more visually and sexually driven."  That's not an excuse for thinking you can treat me like your Cyberskin Lifelike Sex Doll.

I like sex, too.  Why can't I get away with just using men?  Why am I held to a different standard?  Why on earth do I want an actual relationship?  Is it so much to ask for a guy who actually enjoys my company as well as just enjoying my body?  It's nice to be worshiped but I'd also like to be conversed with or taken out or, god forbid, committed to.  Clearly I'm not marriage material, I'm just a fantastic lay.  Experience holds that once my newness wears off you'll go looking for the next toy and if you've finally worn out your interest in sex dolls its the next girl that gets the prize.

If you want sex, just say so.  Stop pretending you want a relationship.  If you want porn, just say so.  I know how to use Google and frankly you have no clue whether Jenna Jameson's boobs are mine or not.  Please just be honest with me.  I may be in need of a good one night stand.  I'd be far more likely to take you up on it if you could just call it like it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go shower and oil up my skin for my next photoshoot.  These tits are all I'm good for so I gotta make them shine.